Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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