We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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