I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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