We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
