she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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