if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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