i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
