so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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