I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
