Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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