If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
