either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
