Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
