do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wear drunk well.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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