Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
