Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
