If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
