woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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