I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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