Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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