it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
