You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
