it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
