Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
