I love black thongs
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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