mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Say something about gay babies.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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