end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
