Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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