i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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