Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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