Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize