We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
