i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
