yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
