she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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