Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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