ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
