so explain again why im purple
no
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
