That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
