You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
