i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
