Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
