I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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