The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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