There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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