There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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