Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
