so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
