Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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