Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
