Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
