Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
