I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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