How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
