I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize