whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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