just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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