i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
