i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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