We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
