THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
