Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
