Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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